Funny Getting Older Jokes

As Submitted by Our Customers

Here are some of the Funny Getting Older Jokes we gathered at AgelessFx.   Its a work in progress, we'll add 'em as we see 'em.  You'll find them on several "Joke" pages as well as scattered around our website.

We know its serious business trying to look and feel younger and some days frustrating trying to get that look "just right". We work hard to bring you the best anti-aging skincare, supplements and energy products..

But you know what they say "All work and no play..."

To relieve the serious side of the business (hey, growing older gracefully is work!), we present these Funny Getting Older Jokes so that you can step back, and laugh a little about something we don't have any control over.

"About the only thing that comes to him who waits - is old age"... -but some of us are going to go down fighting

If laughter is the best medicine, then join me in a chuckle. And don't forget, add your funny getting older jokes, quote or one-liner at the bottom of this page. Help us get a good laugh and make a few new friends.

P.S. We've hidden jokes on aging throughout our website pages as well. We find it makes working here more enjoyable.

Ready to combat Exercise? We have joke pages for that, too!

There's one good thing about growing old.  If you watch a movie that you have seen before but, you do not remember it. You can watch it like its the first time again!
Thanks Donnie Grey,  Greensburg, Indiana, Decatur.

Like a baby...

Sam and Louis lived in a retirement home. One day they were sitting in the lounge, and Sam turned to Louis and said, “Louis, I’m ninety years old, and I’m full of aches and pains. You’re about my age. How do you feel?”

      Louis replied, “I feel just like a newborn baby.”

      “Really? Like a baby?” Sam asked, puzzled.

      “Yes,” replied Louis, “I’ve got no hair, no teeth—and I think I just wet myself.”

Thanks Sam!  from NH

Creative Bioscience
Creative Bioscience

Grateful Granny

I attended a wedding the other day with my granddaughter and as we were following the crowd in for the reception, my granddaughter observed that my slip was showing. She quietly whispered "Grandma it's snowing down south!!!"

I whispered back "Darling, Grandma is just grateful that it's not raining!!!"

- Thanks Barb! from MS

Grandma's advice

Grandma to her Grand Daughter,"Here is my advice, l have no use for it now."

-S M Moodley, from South Africa, Thanks!

Creative Bioscience

With Age Comes Experience:

The sad thing about experience is that by the time you have it, nobody wants it!

Thanks Harry Pennington
Lancashire, England

You think you're getting older when:

You are reading this entire website hoping that none of these comments apply to you!

By the time:
By the time you can afford to eat anything you want... you can no longer eat anything you want!

Thank you: Ernie Wright
Lake Norman, NC

You know you're getting older when you look in the mirror and say,

Thanks to: Barney Vinson
Las Vegas, NV

At my age....when I see a pretty young woman,
I wonder what her mom looks like

Contributed by & Thanks to:
Brad Prather, Port Ludlow, WA

Teaching an Old Dog New Tricks

You know you're getting older when you've run out of things to learn the hard way
     Contributed by & Thanks to:    Ronald Howard   Riverton, Wyoming

Older than Dirt
I've heard some people say that my dad is older than dirt. Not true, he discovered it!
     Thanks Dave Doty, Lake Placid, FL

You Know:
You know you're getting older when you've heard yourself say, "Because I told you so!"

There are 3 Ages of Man: youth, middle age, and you look good!

Remember When...
Memory was something you lost with age
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
A web was a spider's home
A virus was the flu
A CD was a bank account
A hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And if you had a 3-inch floppy . . . You just hoped nobody ever found out!

When your joints are more accurate than the weatherman's, you know you're getting older!

"Inside every 70-year-old is a 35-year-old asking, 'What happened?'" --Ann Landers

"The trouble with class reunions is that old flames have become even older." --Doug Larson

"Old age is always 15 years older than I am." --Bernard Baruch

More funny getting older jokes continue below...

Relax The Back
Perfect Chair Landing Page

Funny Getting Older Jokes And One-Liners

You know you're getting old when you need a vacation, from your vacation!

The dangerous age is anywhere between one and ninety-nine

Our aim in life improves as we grow older, but it seems that we soon run out of ammunition

Some people are like plants, some go to seed with age, and others just go to pot

You have arrived at old age when all you can put your teeth into... is a glass

You know you're getting older when it takes you longer to get over having a good time than it took to have it!

Darn, old age is unpredictable. One morning you wake up.. and there you have it

You're getting older when you are on vacation and your energy runs out before your money does

Children are a comfort to us in old age, and they'll help us reach it faster, too!

Growing older is when you really learn what the statue of limitations is all about

You just can't win. When you get too old for pimples, you go right into wrinkles!

There are 3 things that indicate you are getting older, first there is loss of memory....... ......

The worse thing about growing old is having to listen to the advise of one's children

Does it take you longer to rest than it did to get tired?

You're getting older when the girl you just smiled at thinks you are one of her father's friends

Remember when you saved up for old age? Now you just save up for April 15th

Grandchildren don't make a man feel old. It's knowing that he's married to a grandmother

You are getting older when you remember when a girl with hidden charms, hid them.

Do you have a funny Getting Older Joke?  Use the form below and send it to me!

Breaking Up   Thanks to: Rulie Folsom

My daughter came home crying one night "Oh mom  we broke up"  she cried , "or actually  he broke up  with me."   I'm not too old to remember a broken heart, so I put my arm around her and assured her that her heart would mend in time."

Then she said...

"Oh, I don't really care  that we  broke up, its  just  that i wanted to be the one  to do it!"

Relax The Back - Office

These Funny Getting Older Jokes are Quotes

An Idaho man said, "At my age, by the time I find temptation, I'm too tired to give in to it."

George Burns once said, "If I'd known I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself."

An aging gentleman in the hospital refused to eat a bowl of jello. He told the nurse, "I'm not going to eat anything that's more nervous than I am."

"I'm not saying she's getting older, but when she lit the candles on her birthday cake, five people passed out from heat exhaustion."

An antique dealer told me, "Age is what makes furniture worth more and people worth less."

Grandpa said, "By the time a man finds greener pastures, he's too old to climb the fence."

Growing older is when, "You're too old for castor oil and too young for Geritol."

My secretary says that, "Some people grow up and spread cheer; others just grow up and spread."

George Burns used to get a standing ovation just for walking up on stage. It was confusing to him. He said, "All it took for me to get here, was a little time."

More Customer Sent 'Funny Getting Older' Jokes are Below the Comment Boxes... Scroll down to the Links.

See Also:

Old People Jokes

Funny Exercise Jokes

I Got You Started, It's Your Turn
(we change this page often, check back)

Share YOUR funny getting older jokes, quotes and one-liners below. They will be added at the end of this page as links and open in their own page. Come on, show us that we have to grow old - but don't have to grow up!

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What Other Visitors Have Shared

Click below to see contributions from other visitors to this page...

Birthday Jokes, Another Birthday? 
We'll start this page off with a few birthday jokes from our viewers. So if you have any to add... you know what to do! Birthday joke from Dan C. Corley …

Getting Older 
You know you're getting older when you look in the mirror and say, "Dad?"

Birthdays Not rated yet
I don't celebrate birthdays anymore. I am so absent minded that I don't remember when I was born. The last time I had a birthday cake it set off …

Loosing your memory! Not rated yet
I am losing my memory. The other morning I was sitting on the edge of the bed, unshaven, with my head in my hands trying to wake up and my wife walks …

Old as dirt Not rated yet
Some say my Dad is as old as dirt. Wrong! He discovered it.

3 sisters who had lived together for a number of years Not rated yet
Their ages were 92, 94 and 97. One night, the 97-year-old drew her bath, got half-way in and then stopped. Finally she yelled out, “Was I getting in or …

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Go to our "Hey who you calling old? Old people joke page

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Don't forget to send us your Funny Getting Older Jokes, Stories, Quotes or One-Liners. We like to sprinkle them throughout our website because... well... skincare and healthcare needs a sense of humor. Don't you agree?

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