Funny Exercise Jokes

We're posting YOUR PAGE of funny exercise jokes because we don't believe exercise has to hurt to be beneficial! Just before your workout, take a look at some of these humorous exercise jokes from our customers.

Then, after you wipe the tears from your eyes, post a humorous exercise saying, picture or joke that you've heard below in the comments section! We'll put it in this collection for all to enjoy.

You can tell from our website, although we take our anti-aging products seriously, we certainly don't take life too seriously. So, go on, enjoy a few jokes, quotes and one-liners!

NEWEST Reader Contribution:

What do you get if you run in front of a car?

What do you get if you run behind a car?

At twenty we worry about what others think of us.

At forty we don't care about what others think of us.

At sixty we discover they haven't been thinking about us at all.

Q. What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

A. About three pounds, including the urn

One day while jogging, a middle-aged man noticed a tennis ball lying by the side of the walk.

Being fairly new and in good condition, he picked the ball up, put it in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blond standing next to him smiling.

"What do you have in your pocket?", she asked.

"Tennis ball?" the man said smiling back.

"Wow," said the blond looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable!"

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These Funny Exercise Jokes are Quotes

“Shopping is my cardio -Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City

Exercise is done against one's wishes and maintained only because the alternative is worse.
-George A. Sheehan

“I'm on a bit of a health kick, so I'll take the low-fat vanilla. With the following toppings: Snickles, Gooey Bears, Charlottesville Chew, Nice 'n Many, Kat Kit, Herschel Smooches, Mrs. Badbar, and Milk Dudes.” -Homer Simpson

I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
-Ellen DeGeneres

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
-Phyllis Diller

Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes.
-Robert M. Hutchins

Exercise... the poor person's plastic surgery

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I was going to wake up early and go jogging, but my toes voted against me 10 to 1.
-Randy Glasbergen

Aerobics: a series of strenuous exercises which help convert fats, sugars, and starches into aches, pains, and cramps.

I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.
-Alec Yuill Thornton

If your dog is fat, you're not getting enough exercise.

I believe that the Good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street.
-Neil Armstrong

The only exercise some people get is jumping to conclusions, running down their friends, side-stepping responsibility, and pushing their luck!

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
-Marsha Doble

Weight Loss Program

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.

A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.

So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"

He lost 63 pounds that week.

Special Thanks to Don Mayfield from Massillon Ohio for this Funny Exercise Joke

These funny Exercise jokes will crack you up.. but showing up at the gym with dry, scaly, cracking feet is no laughing matter. Fix that with the World's Best Foot Balm, you'll be amazed at how well it works!

Funny Exercise Jokes and One-Liners

Need exercise? Yoga class is great. You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your couch not doing Yoga.

Style Update: If you jog in a jogging suit, lounge in lounging pajamas, and smoke in a smoking jacket, Then heaven's, DON'T wear a wind breaker !!

I met a friend jogging in the park. Well, he was jogging and I was sitting on a bench

When I was younger, I looked forward to getting up early in the morning to exercise. Now, getting out of bed in the morning is my exercise

You know that you’re out of shape when you can’t pull supermarket shopping carts apart

Don’t forget, your brain needs exercise, too. So, spend lots of time thinking up excuses for not working out

I prefer sit-ups to jumping jacks. At least I get to lie down after each one

The Gym has no confidence in me. The first machine the health club put me on was the respirator

My exercise club can get extremely busy. If all the exercise machines are in use, I usually wait in the snack bar and have a chocolate sundae until it’s my turn.

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them

I joined a health club on an exercise special, I spent about $39 every month and haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

I don't jog... it makes the beer jump right out of my glass.

Does running late count as exercise?

So does that mean that being part of the human race does not count as exercise?

Calories (noun); Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little bit tighter every night

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What Other Customers Have Sent

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The Homer Simpson View on Diet and Exercise  
If walking is supposed to be good for you, then the mail man, who walks all day, should be a lot skinnier The whale, who swims all day, and eats only …

if im chubby does that mean i have to exersise if i dont wanna? Not rated yet
Your message: sometimes I see kids, skinny kids running around the neighborhood with their parents but my parents have to drag me because I DONT WANNA …

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